No Dumping Allowed

Today it happened.  I heard it would happen, I heard it did happen to others, I just never thought it would happen to me.  LUCAS HAD HIS FIRST MONSTER POOP.  The Mother of all poops, the Grand Poo-Bah of poops, the poops to end all poops.  I could smell it as soon as I got into the room…we weren’t in Kansas anymore.  To make it extra special, Lucas now HATES to have his diaper changed and wriths around, kicks his legs, and tries to sit up and climb off the diaper changing table.  Monster poop Monday was no exception.  As soon as I got the diaper off, the legs and the poop started flying everywhere.  “Holy crap!” I yelped out, hoping for some sort of divine intervention.  There was poop on the wall, the changing table, the lamp, and when Lucas lept off the changing table into my arms there was poop all over me.  It looked like a crap crime scene, weapon of choice - a shit stick!

Not wanting to panic and vomit everywhere I hurriedly got the tub going for both of us while choking back mumbled cries of “mercy Jesus”, “oh Lord” and “Mary, Mother of God, help us.”  I suddenly became very religious (and had a slight Irish accent) when calling for the Lord and handling a slimy poop covered baby.  It was all up to God to help us now, not even Oprah could of gotten us out of this mess. 

We got all cleaned up and as Lucas went down for his nap it was time to reflect.  I admit I was smug about my son’s pristine bowel movements.  Lucas was as regular as clockwork and not so much as a dollup found its way out of the confines of his diaper.  I had nothing to contribute to the Mommy diaper horror stories, until today.  I am now part of the Monster Poop Club and have been initiated.  Funny though, look as I might I could not find anywhere in Lucas’ baby book to document the days blessed event.

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