March of the Moms

Waiting to exhale...

Why?  Why?  Why?  This is the view from the line to get into the women’s restroom at the mall.  You can see the 5-6 women in front of me, what you can’t see are:

1. The 15 women behind me
2. The 20 kids next to the 15 women
3. The 10 women that are already in the bathroom, but still in line.
4. The “Hawk Mom.” That is my term for the Mom of any boy who wants to use the Men’s room by himself, but is still young enough to be considered a kid. ”Hawk Moms” can be found perched directly outside the Men’s room door yelling their child’s name out every time the door opens.  “Jonny, you o.k. in there?”  “Danny, you almost done, wash your hands and come right out.”  
5. Death Row.  That is my term for all the men lined up along the wall waiting for the women to finish.  There was never a sadder looking bunch of fellows than the men working the restroom waiting chain gang.  Head down, hands folded, just sad.  Once I thought I saw a tumbleweed blow by.

I guess I was naive, but I expected to see 20 stalls, not THREE, when I rounded the corner into the sweet spot.  The sweet spot is the position in line of next person to get to “go.”  I think that once a woman hits the sweet spot in line she actually has to go less.  You almost don’t want to go to the bathroom, because you don’t want to give the coveted position up.  You earned it.  You try not to smile or gloat, you know one bottle of water and a non-fat soy latte from Starbucks before you finish shopping and you are back in line.

I think men must design malls.  Why, in a two story mall would there only be a three stall bathroom.  A woman in line to use the restroom is a woman in line not spending money.  You would think that some mall designer somewhere, be it man or woman, worked the restroom waiting chain gang and would of helped a brother and sister out. 

So if anyone out there is designing a public bathroom anywhere, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make the world a happier, pee-er place and give us more bathroom stalls.  I promise I’ll flush.

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