WARNING: Finding a Good Nanny will Make Your Nipples Hard

Heather’s voice was excited.  Her words were a bit hard to follow.  She was nervous and happy at the same time, and she was breathy.  Even though we were talking on the phone I could tell she was smiling.  In between giddy stuttered sentences Heather would let out a gasp,  then a liberated scream of “aahhh”, followed up with an, ”Oh my God about time!” Yes, all the signs were there.  Heather was in love.  In lust, in love, turned on.  Turned on with the potential of the potential of a great new nanny.

Like all great new love affairs, be it man or nanny, the beginning has all the same joys, fears, insecurities, and hopes.  You have to pinch yourself to make is seem real.  You have a skip in your step.  You ask yourself, how could the world ever be gray again?  The world is wonderful when you are about to score yourself a piece of sweet nanny.  As if you were meeting the new man of your dreams, you meet the new nanny of your dreams and you ask yourself the same relationship questions.

Wonder:  Where has this potetnial new nanny been hiding all my child’s life?

Fear:  Will she go back to the former family?

Disbelief:  She is too good to be true, there has to be something wrong with her.

Insecurity:  I hope she likes us.

Jealousy:  She better not like my girlfriend’s family better!

Hope:  She will stay with us forever…right?

Anticipation:  I can’t wait to see her again.  (Unlike the romantic joy of seeing a potential new man you have just met, you can’t wait to see the new nanny again because you really need to get some unromantic laundry done and go to Target.)

Heather is cautious yet optimistic about her new love.  She is not going to give her heart away just yet.  They have to meet first.  Their only converstions have been on the phone.  Still, Heather is floating.  The potential new nanny seems perfect.  A nanny for years with references, loves kids, has a college education, married, soccer coach which is perfect for her young boys, loves the outdoors, flexible schedule, can possibly help with the administration in Heather’s business, can start anytime.  WOW, it takes your breath away. 

As we talk about their pending blind date, I ask Heather what she is going to wear to meet.  I am so excited for my friend I could pee right there on the floor (and since I now struggle with urinary incontinence after my son’s birth, I literally could pee right there on the floor).  I drill her on every bit of the conversation.  ” Tell me everything she said,”  I ask.  “Is her voice friendly?”  “What is her family like.”  “Can she cook, do laundry?” “Does she want kids?”  “Where is she from?”  “Are you going to meet for coffee, or have a full blown lunch?”  “How long were you on the phone for?”  “Who is calling who next?” 

Heather is worried her house is too messy for a home meeting and she is nervous she might seem over excited, she doesn’t want to appear too needy.  We discuss nanny courting strategy and launch a plan to remain casually optimistic.  Heather has been burned before.  She doesn’t want to put too much of herself out there.  Still the excitement is real, the anticipation palpable, and the air is full of energy.  This has the potential to be a beautiful relationship.  As Heather and I go to hang up the phone I leave her with one last piece of advice, when she goes to meet the potential great new nanny, make sure she wears a padded bra.

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