What’s Different? Did You Cut Your Hair?

WARNING!!  If you just gave birth and haven’t lost the baby weight, if you suffer from postpartum depression, if you ever ever ever want to feel slightly attractive ever again do NOT let a fancy hair stylist take “some of the weight” out of your bangs!!!!  My bangs went from pleasantly plump to down right anoxeric!  There was nothing left.

This was my first hair cut after delivering my baby.  I was SOOO excited to be pampered.  I had a good friend watch Lucas, I put on my best and least stained post pregnancy track suit, and I waddled down to the salon.  I was hoping to emerge with roots that weren’t eight different shades of brown and gray and be the proud owner of an actual haircut.  I wanted my hair to be blown out, because after childbirth my vagina was the only thing that had been.

Unfortunately, by the time I left I hardly had any hair at all.  I had been sheared like a lamb.  I wanted to look pretty and feminine.  I ended up looking like some angry hipster girl who still smoked cigarettes, lived in a studio downtown, and hated “the Man.”   Except I wasn’t an angry hipster girl.  I was an exhausted new Mother who wore a blue velour track suit in which the pants were too short from Motherhood Maternity.  I was a new Mother who had 40 pounds of baby weight to lose.  A new Mother who could pee herself at any moment for no reason and had a vagina that looked like it fell on the wrong end of a weed whacker.  Instead of hating “the Man” I was “the Man” who had a family and three kids to raise.  It was the wrong haircut for me.  I looked like shit and I was PISSED! The stylist called the bangs fringe bangs.  I called them “WAY TOO FUCKING SHORT.”

I tried to play nice and hide the tears.  I didn’t have it in me to go “scorned woman” on him.  He tried to fix it, but you can’t really fix hair when there is nothing left.   I limped out of there deflated knowing the torturous months of grow out ahead.   I tell this story my friends to spare you the same fate.  Weight is not all bad.  Weight can be a good thing, especially when we are talking bangs.

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