“Your Vagina is Healing Kinda Funny”

Music to my ears.  What girl wouldn’t want to hear that about her vagina, that it’s healing “kinda funny”.  This is what my Ob/Gyn says to me on my post birth visit about three months after my son’s  delivery. 

Funny good.

Vagina healing funny…NOT SO GOOD.

A little back story is a must.  My son Lucas was 9lbs. 11 0z upon arrival.  He was a BIG healthy boy…and I got him out in five pushes.  After two pushes I had a three minute contraction and his heart rate went down and didn’t come back up.  The nurse ran out of the room and yelled CODE.  Suddenly the birthing room was FULL of doctors and nurses…

All of them looking like the cast of doctors from Grey’s Anatomy. 

I kid you not, the doctors and nurses were all georgeous.  Side bar, the female doctors and nurses at Kaiser Morse in Sacramento got it going on, they looked like they took a break from shooting at Seattle Grace Hospital to deliver my baby.  Out of nowhere,  Dr. Meredith Grey’s look-a-like was staring at me between my legs.  After a brief second of, “gosh they all look like Dr.s from Grey’s Anatomy,” we got back to saving my baby’s life.  “Dr. Grey” told me I had three pushes to get Lucas out or it was an emergency C-section. 

I think I went to the other mental place that Mothers go when you hear your baby is in trouble.  I felt the room go still, it was like there was no one there, and it was suddenly completely quiet as I pushed my baby out in exactly three pushes!  YEAH!   Three pushes and a lot of tearing later, my son Lucas was born. He didn’t even stop for his shoulders.  I went from crowning to crying in three pushes flat.  My vagina was amazing, a hero, a warrior and she had the battle scars to prove her courage on the battlefied. 

So after my son was safe and ten fingers and toes had been counted, I watched as Dr. Grey tugged and sewed me up.  It was killing me, not the sewing (thank you epidural) the fact that they all looked like television stars.  I had to say something….

Me:  (While looking between my legs), “Is Mc Dreamy” on rounds today?”

Dr. Grey:  “Excuse me?”

Me:  “This is cheesy, and maybe not the most appropriate time to bring this up, but you know you all look like you belong on Grey’s Anatomy.”

Dr. Grey:  (Sigh) “Yeah, we get that sometimes.”

Me:  “It’s kinda cool…..Dr. Grey?”

Dr. Grey:  “Yeah.”

Me:  “Can I ask you something?  Before you were saving lives at Seattle Grace,  did you study Home Economics?”

Dr.Grey:  (Playing along), “Um, why?”

Me:  “Because I am watching you sew up my vagina, and I hope you’ve at least made a pillow or shirt before this.”  

Dr. Grey:  (Lauging out loud), “Yes, I have done this before, but we might need to do some repair work after you heal.”

That is how the whole vagina chronicles got started.  The story of how my vagina had to be repaired and how my vagina ”healed funny”.

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